How many people brought up in my era were taught to hide their feelings? It took me so many years to learn how to feel and think for myself. I remember going to seminars and being asked how I felt about something that had happened in my life and finding it so hard to tap into my feelings. I have often in the past been influenced to believe that I must be wrong as my thoughts were often so different to those around me. I’m sure it is no coincidence that so many people, mainly men, who have been in my life, have been robbed of the ability to tap into their feelings.
Since the horrific incidence we experienced, almost a year ago, I have been encouraging my husband to let go of the protective shield he has had around his heart for so many years and set it free. Like so many of us, he has experienced much tragedy in his life and has refused to let himself process his feelings about what has happened. I have found that when we bury these deep dark emotions, they rear their ugly heads at some time. It took me so many years, but I have found that once I have processed supressed feelings, I can let them go, allowing me to look at the past as my history. It didn’t happen overnight and I’m still working on it.
This year I have tried to grapple with intense pain whilst caring for my husband, but it has caught up with me and I now find that I must urgently have a hip replacement as my hip is bone on bone with one bone eating into another – ouch! No wonder there has been so much pain. Now time to express my feelings of relief, with some trepidation. There is excitement that there is hope in sight.
I have an absolute passion to assist young children to acknowledge their feelings and learn to think for themselves. That is why I am so happy about the project I am doing now which is writing a unique pre-school program which is heavily laden with feeling and thinking activities. These are the very aspects of ourselves that I believe the curriculum is designed to squash.
I have been accused of being a didactic writer and I do not apologise for that. When I wrote about Alphonso Ant trying to find a way to stop his ant family from fighting, it was designed to help children think about various situations that might be familiar to them and to think independently about what they might do to handle these situations and how it would make them feel. It is written in rhyme – because kids love rhyme, and it is alphabetical. (See example at the top). I have had to change the graphics for the manual – it is my copyright, but the book illustrations are not.
It seems to me, that we can see our experiences as positive or negative. They are always opportunities for growth, but we don’t always acknowledge the positive. That is one of the reasons I like being this age. This year more than any other, I have needed to use my on /off switch which reminds me to switch off the negative when it creeps in. It really works.
In My Heart
These feelings i nurse, i can’t explain,
They say men don’t cry but I am in pain,
Tears trying to drop from my eyes, i can’t hold it again,
Pouring out my heart isn’t like me, am i insane?