Having just returned from a magical six week trip around Europe, I am feeling a little bit in overwhelm. Spending so many hours driving to new destinations, through exciting and beautiful places, I had so much time to feel grateful and also think of how I am going to spend my remaining years. The book proposal I was so sure I had figured out, has completely changed and I now need to start from scratch. It is amazing how deep reflection can change everything.
I have returned home to a backlog of ‘stuff’ to attend to before I can spend the hours I need to write. I am looking forward to exploring what this book is now going to look like. I have managed to send several travel blogs to the Starts at Sixty magazine and have been thrilled to receive two awards from Dymocks, so that has been encouraging.
It has been a shock to find that the elderly person, for whom I am now responsible, has deteriorated in the time I have been away. My daughter took my place while I was away and she seemed to be okay, but since my return she has suffered a heart attack and gone into full blown delirium which is causing some bizarre behaviour. As her Power of Attorney, I have the responsibility to decide the next step for her care. This responsibility weighs heavily on my shoulders and I feel so sad that there is nobody else. It makes me even more grateful that I have a support network around me and I really don’t think that they’ll shove me in a home and forget about me which is the fate of so many of the people that surround my ‘charge’.
There have been moments of lucidity when she has so many regrets for what she now feels was a wasted life. On the back of my business card I have boldly printed that, “It is never too late to find your fabulous”. Sadly I am seeing that there are those who waste the opportunity to find their ‘fabulous’ and fulfil their purpose. My mother lived a troubled existence and passed away in her early fifties while I have been given this extra time to do so much more than she did. I have already had the most amazing life and believe that there is so much more and I am getting clear messages as to what my next steps must be. How exciting is that!
Yesterday I began a grief counselling course. Whilst driving through Italy, enjoying the scenery and my quiet reveries, when it suddenly came to me that I must do a grief counselling course. I have studied a great deal and have never felt prompted to do this. Two days later I received a newsletter from Hopewell Education Services advertising the first grief counselling course for the year. I signed up straight away and know that it is going to be an important component of my work.
So grateful to be still undertaking corporate work which certainly keeps the grey matter ticking over. I love it and find it stimulating to draw on many years of experience to assist others to find solutions. It is gratifying to feel valued when so many complain of becoming invisible. It is always an ongoing journey.