I am experiencing being in a very strange space – perfectly normal according to my erudite therapist, so I am endeavouring to look for what value I can retrieve from the space that I am in. On his advice I have removed myself from my home for a short period and my son has me comfortably set up in the ‘piano room’ , my only room companion being a magnificent grand piano which is played beautifully each evening by one of the students sharing this interesting house of academics in Canberra.
I even have my own office so that I can work each day on some overdue projects. My head feels clearer and I feel that as I sit here typing, I am observing myself which has become such an important part of my way of being and the work that I am so passionate about. Whilst allowing myself to experience my moments of grief, I feel so fortunate to have a purpose for moving forward.
I keep referring to the Thai project – a rather pompous term for what started out, I thought eighteen months ago, as a relatively simple set of tasks that would use some of my old educational knowledge and eventually bring in some much needed revenue, which will not happen until the project has been completed.
Oxford University Press had published a set of my spelling activity books in 1998 and the content had appealed to an ex principal who had some links in Thailand. Since then we are establishing online programs for Thai children to learn English, engaging them by using music and animation on line to provide spelling and reading techniques for them to manage and manipulate independently. It has become a huge task involving several drafts, manuals, scope and sequence to suit various needs. I have learned much about animation and online programming but not enough to complete the program by myself. I have Peter Durkin making sure that it all fits into the pedagogical practices of the education systems of which I am totally out of touch. The whole process has involved several drafts and taken far longer than originally intended.
We feel we are nearing the end of the first stage so this is an excellent time for me to work daily on finishing this stage whilst listening to some beautiful music which is keeping me reasonably calm. Oxford University Press has also asked me to write some maths rhymes for New Guinea which has turned out to be more of a challenge than I had originally thought, but having these next few weeks to focus will hopefully not only give me a sense of completion but will also aid the healing process necessary for me to fulfil some tasks booked for April and May.
With this project, mixed in with my speaking, workshops and some diagnostic work, followers of the enneagram would not find it hard to slot me into a big slice of seven. I just need to be mindful that being busy does not stop the natural grieving process so I set an hour of time each morning to reflect and meditate which often results in the use of a few tissues!
So I am accepting the space I am in knowing that each day I am moving forward towards where I want my life to go. Not sure how long that will be, but I feel there is no time to be wasted in actions that pull me backwards.