I really cannot dismiss the notion that everything happens for a reason. Actually, I probably prefer to believe that when the student is ready the master appears. It has always been the case in my life and continues to be so. I also believe in following your intuition and this year I will listen intently to what my gut is telling me.
Last year I made some spectacularly bad decisions whilst my gut was screaming that I was on the wrong track, but to balance out, I did follow my gut with some equally spectacularly good results. There was an immense amount of learning that I am happy about and I am looking forward to some spectacularly good things happening this year.
Recently I made a major overhaul of my library. It had become overblown and non-functional. It was an extremely eclectic collection which included a vast number of ‘music’ books collected by Mick over many years. I could never discard them as each had its own place in time. There were many books pertaining to business and I groaned when I saw how outdated some of the concepts had become. These were easy to discard. A number of dog eared classics will forever remain but many novels were discarded. Self-help books were sorted carefully, bringing back memories of desperate times.
I put aside rather faded copies of books that I had inherited but never read. One of these was Jeanette Winterson’s “Oranges are not the only fruit”. I had heard much about her work but for some reason I had never read it. It is a semi-autobiographical account of her early life and I absolutely loved it. Here was someone who spoke my language. Her story is quite horrific yet she manages to inject a glorious irreverence that is at times laugh out loud funny. What a gift she has.
I wasn’t adopted as she had been, but in other ways there were some parallels. Since finishing the book I have watched a You Tube clip and researched many of her articles. I know I have often written about victory and I have a sense that Jeanette has achieved this through her writing. I could identify so much with what she has to say. I particularly liked this comment:
“I found what [the poet Robert] Graves calls the shining space between dark and dark. It was something I visualised, that shining space. It seemed that I could just walk in that shining space and be there. And I did and then the darkness began to clear. The wound is always there and hurts but it’s not festering.” You can live with it? “I can and I have to.”
Writing does that for me also. What has inspired me most about her work is that she gave herself permission to be incredibly open. I have been told that my openness is my sword and my saviour, but I must be true to my core being. I have also been advised that there are some things I should not write about, yet one friend has reminded me of my age and has given me permission to write whatever I like. Thanks Judy! Following my injection of Winterson, I went back over my current project and rewrote some passages in an attempt to inject some irreverent humour. Pathos is important but so much more powerful if I can give the reader some laugh out loud moments.
Yep! I love that I can fill the empty spaces with shining creativity.