The last line in the final chapter of my book, Sizzling at Seventy” stated, “I wonder what I will be doing at eighty?” Now here I am as the clock has clicked by and I cannot believe that I wrote this so many years ago. I didn’t feel old then and I certainly don’t feel old now. I will always hang onto the words of my beloved grandson who told me once that I was getting ‘newer’. His more recent gems of wisdom include, “Mema, when you stop learning you will die.” Wise words and I know I still have a great deal of learning to do, so I guess I will be sticking around for plenty more years. Of course, we know that time really doesn’t exist and if we didn’t have birthdays, we wouldn’t get old.
The main reason I wrote “Sizzling at Seventy” was for my clients, who like myself, had received abuse as children. It took me many years to realise that I had been stuck in victimhood and it took a great deal of reprogramming to be able to include my by-line –“From victim to victorious’.
What a journey it has been. I came to realise very quickly that there are always more steps to follow and soon after the book was released, I lost my beautiful husband who had contributed so much to my growth. I really wanted to go with him and for a long period of time, I lost my grip on reality. So many things happened and my emotional world crumbled. I certainly came to understand the term ‘mental health’. I wanted so much to get well, but it was not happening. One night a dear friend called me and I remember asking her if I would ever be well again. I am so thankful that she said, “Yes, you will.” I clung to those words which sustained me for the remaining months of my illness.
Now I am finding that it is pay back time. Living to this age and experiencing so much has given me an insight and hard-won wisdom which I can share with those who are open to receive. I will not just inflict myself on suffering souls, but I have found a real number of soul connections this past eighteen months which have been such enriching experiences.
I am able to say with absolute confidence, we are so much stronger than we think we are. I know it sounds brutal, but when people tell me they can’t go on, I will answer, “Yes you can.” However, I do remember clearly standing at my kitchen window and screaming, “I can’t bear it, I can’t bear it.” That still small voice said, “Well you’ve just gotta bear it.” I got it – and sunk my sorry self into a lavender bath.
Now ten years after my 70th I am amazed just how life has miraculously changed. So many things continue to happen that I could not have dreamt about. What am I doing in my eighties? Of course there are challenges in this changing world, yet there are so many positives including: getting married again to a special man who loves me unreservedly; working on a project which I think is the most important work I have ever done; living in a lovely new environment; continually meeting soul connections, and most of all I have learned the hardest lesson of all for me – to love and appreciate who I am and this has been so freeing. It has enabled me to feel so much more for others in their joy, their pain, their sorrow and still feel at peace. This the legacy of hanging in there when it seeme
I intend to enjoy this next version of myself.