In October I wrote a post about accepting differences and it was well received. Since then I have had to learn some further lessons about accepting differences. It is an ongoing journey.

Last week I met up with my former publisher. I hadn’t seen her for years and she seemed keen to catch up. As we sat eating, she looked me in the eye and told me that she thought I could write well but why had I wasted my time writing that ‘crappy self-help book’ and why had I ‘aired my dirty linen’?  I guess I wasn’t altogether surprised as many years ago she had urged me to write a book, Sizzling at Sixty which would have been in the vogue of Fifty Shades of Grey, but I hope better written. She was excited when I wrote a few chapters but then I began to feel uncomfortable about the exercise and let it go.

My publisher could never quite forgive me but was excited when she heard I was writing Sizzling at Seventy. She urged me to send her some chapters as she was certain it would be published and sell well. However, her reply upon receiving the chapters was less than enthusiastic. She told me to trash what I had written and get back to something that would sell. I had good reasons to continue but hadn’t realised that six years later she still couldn’t understand. Following our recent dinner, I gave her comments a great deal of thought and felt prompted to send her the following email:

Hello xxxxx,

You have been on my mind a great deal since our get together. It has been good for me to process the meeting and some of your comments.

I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been offended by your comment about my ‘crappy self-help book’, but having thought about this I am able to understand why you found the book and its concept repugnant.

You are a strong and vibrant woman and it must be hard to understand how we mere mortals operate. I had no intention to write such a book but after facing some home truths while I was studying ontology, I was so grateful for the way it helped me to change my thinking and understand my actions. I found the course confronting and had to look at some hard home truths. I always thought I had dealt with my childhood abuse but realised that I was still operating out of the unhelpful moods of resentment, resignation and anxiety. Continue reading →

It has been one of those years that one looks back on in relief, with a conviction that the storm has passed and a new phase is about to begin. From past years, I am assured that there is always a new slice of wisdom infused into my being and this year is no different.

The pain has been all encompassing, physical, emotional and in some respects, even spiritual. It is hard to know what served as the trigger, but whatever it was, it was quite traumatic and very real. It led me to seek various treatments which all had their place. I always knew, right from the beginning, that I would eventually get through this period but there were moments I was tempted to give in. After all, I am now ‘old’ and life is limited. Maybe it was time just to accept pain as my rite of passage. But, I couldn’t do it. There is too much left for me to do, so my search continued.

Franz Kafka, a Czech writer from the early 20^th century, recently piqued my interest and I marvel how there have been some inspired, gifted writers, who have lived relatively short lives in comparison to the years that I have already lived. I resonate with his quote, “I did not think things through in such a human way, but under the influence of my surroundings conducted myself as if I had worked things out.”   How often this has been my experience and even this year, I have continued to act as if with powerful results.

So, in my search this year to ‘work things out’, I have endeavoured to open my heart and mind to all sorts of possibilities which have led me to become really clear about what I didn’t want in my life. No knowledge is wasted, and I am so grateful to those who felt they had something to offer me. I attempted to follow advice, which often I didn’t find useful, but with every encounter there was something to be learnt.

I could write many chapters about this journey – maybe I will someday, but I will recount two that stand out. I was visiting a naturopath who had been recommended to me. On the second visit she admonished me to stop trying to be a success. Her words were, “If you have not succeeded at this age, it isn’t going to happen.” She had read my book and also commented, “With the childhood you have experienced, you never really get over it.” I drove home trying to digest these words and suddenly I felt angry. Neither statements held the truth but mercifully they were exactly what I needed to jolt me out of my torpor.

Recently another woman instructed me to stop trying and ‘just be’. She told me that I was a crone and immediately I visualised myself as that disagreeable, malicious old woman with the hooked nose so often portrayed in fairy stories. I went and looked up other interpretations and preferred to go with the one, favoured by some feminist authors, of the crone archetype being a powerful and wise old woman.

Both of these women have inspired me to go forth with my new found wellness, and rather than feeling old, I am really able to embrace my age. Success is often not an obvious or measurable attribute, but what I do know, with absolute assurance, is that my ‘as if’ is now over and this crone is marching forward with more wisdom, which will lead to even more success.

“Oh, I really love this place. Can you feel the energy?” I was so touched by the enthusiasm of the eight-year-old son of my daughter’s partner. While I hear other children whingeing about the walk, this young boy is loving the touch of the trees, the curl of the vines, the rippling stream and the water tumbling down from the Natural Bridge. He has such sensitivity toward nature which he shares with so many children like him who sit somewhere on the Autistic Spectrum.

I remember when I was teaching in special education so many years ago, this spectrum was only just beginning to be recognised by the public. I remember one student that particularly stood out. Robert had never had a piano lesson and yet if we played him a piece of music, he would immediately sit down and play what he had heard. He also had an uncanny ability to draw whatever you asked him to draw, so became very popular when drawing on T-Shirts came into vogue. As he grew older, some of his behaviour was quite alien to most people. He had some mannerisms that would appear at any given moment. I remember taking him to an orchestral concert for young people. I talked to the organisers ahead of the concert about some mannerisms that might annoy other members of the audience. Their answer to my concerns was to give us the very best seats at the front of the house.  Robert was very excited and I probably cared too much that he would suddenly want to stand up, turn around three times and sit down again – one of his habits which seemed to exacerbate when he was excited. I didn’t want people to judge him without knowing the brilliant, very special person he was. Of course, my concern didn’t matter and whenever there was a crescendo in the music, it would be punctuated by Robert doing his three- point turn. Only one person complained but everyone else could see how rapt he was in the music. I loved him so much and feel privileged to have had him in my care.

Our little chap is high functioning and has a fetish for white goods. My daughter knows that a special treat for him is a visit to a white goods store. He is not very impressed with my ceiling fans and my white goods leave much to be desired but I have promised him that I will update this summer. He comes out with extraordinary pieces of wisdom and has a special affinity with spiritual music. He plays a mean singing bowl and certainly dances to his own drum beat. He sleeps easily after his father meditates with him each night.

Even though stigmas still exist, racist and homophobic slurs still blot our humanity, I am grateful that more people are beginning to understand our differences and with all the horror that is happening in a society where hatred and judgement still prevails, I see pockets of beauty and understanding. I want to gravitate more towards the light and caring but also to understand that when people are hurting, they don’t always act in loving ways. In the meantime, I am enjoying seeing the love that a father showers on his special son – and my daughter of course.

As so often happens to me and I’m sure to many others, when I am pondering on something that is concerning me, I get an answer through a person, an experience or even a book. The latter has recently been the answer for me. I have at times quoted Victor Frankl after reading his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, many years ago. I have intended reading it again and had it in my, to read, pile. During the week, I started to read it and found that I couldn’t put it down.

In the past six months, I have felt a huge shift in my very being. I think it began around the time I was going through an edit of my book for a new publisher. I am not sure why it struck me so profoundly that the book contained so many years of my life and, in comparison, there are very few years left. This left me to ponder on the way I have used my time in the past and how much time I may have wasted. There was also the temptation to wallow in the embarrassment of mistakes made and the consequences of some actions that were taken. How had I been fulfilling my purpose when I was perhaps using a measurement of success that did not serve me?

For most of my life I have understood the importance of suffering and the learning that can come from experiencing it, yet recently, as I began experiencing a great deal of pain, I was searching for an answer to why this was happening. All it seemed to do was impede my desire to make the most of my Autumn days.

So, I turned to Victor and again reminded myself that, whatever we are experiencing, we can still remember that we have a purpose, and even if we are not sure, at that time, what that purpose is exactly, it assists us to endure the present circumstances.  This certainly inspired me. I know what my purpose is and reminding myself of this has helped me work with the pain.

When my husband was dying, I was able to be present for him, as I lay beside him in his palliative room. I know he had a peaceful death, partly because of this, yet outside of his room, others saw me as a rather deranged soul and there were lots of things I wish I had done differently. Whilst I spent several years afterwards in emotional turmoil, I am so grateful for all that I learnt and the empathy it gave me when I see others going through times like this.

I am reminded of this as I manage pain. I am not proud to say that there have been occasions that I have been impatient with others who seemed to focus on their pain. Now I am being given experience of how challenging it can be to not allow pain to consume me and I know that this experience is transitory. I do not expect that I will need to go through this for too much longer and I am doing all I can to understand what I need to do. I have been getting some very clear messages. It would be too easy to just give up, but I have some important projects which I will complete. My habit of writing a vision board at the beginning of each year is always a vital prompt for me and if I keep it in mind, it keeps me on track.

I love these words from Victor’s book, “What reasons has he to envy a young person? For the possibilities that a young person has, the future which is in store for him? “No thank you,” he will think. “Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done, and of love loved but of suffering suffered. These are the things of which I am most proud, though these are things which cannot inspire envy.”

The months go by so quickly and I have found that as I get older, time seems to absolutely fly by. There is that constant reminder for me that there is no time to waste but also taking time to appreciate the good things in my life is absolutely golden.

It has been thrilling to watch my younger son Matt step into his role as a shamanic practitioner. He understands it is what he has always been but now he is learning to embody it and the change in him is very special. He always felt different and now he can embrace and understand what that has been about and the transformation is remarkable.

I was originally perplexed as I sought meaning from Google, which of course gave me all sorts of differing interpretations. The one I have come to feel is the most accurate is the following: Shamanism is an ancient healing tradition and a way of life—how to connect with nature and all of creation. Promote healing with ceremonies and pilgrimage. Recently, following his training, Matt has been instrumental in assisting people with healing and direction, including members of our family.

Following his accident as a young child, he ‘died’ three times and was able to recount to me what he had experienced. I am sorry that I didn’t listen better. It is frightening for a mother to hear her son talk about his death and I wanted then to focus on him being alive. Now we can have the conversations we were unable to have and I rejoice with him gaining a better understanding of why he is here.

In a further attempt to gain understanding, I recently attended a weekend Introduction to Shamanism course which I thoroughly enjoyed. It sharpened my own intuition and led to a very special experience. For one exercise, I partnered with Phong, a young man with a Chinese/ Vietnamese background. We were required to dig deep and each had to share a question with each other. We then sought an answer from our ‘helping spirits’. Uncannily we were both spot on. His question sought some guidance about a purpose for the property he had recently purchased. Mine was a request to understand what more I needed to know about the book I am writing. I saw his property quite clearly and told him what I had seen. He was thrilled as, not only did I describe the property accurately, I was also able to outline a possible purpose which he had already been considering. I didn’t try for an answer, it was just there.

Phong described a key person in my book and gave some indicators for me to look for, which has led me to change the structure of the book. When we had completed the exercise, I asked him where the property was and he said, “Daylesford”. I couldn’t believe it and told him that is where my special ‘character’, Donna, has her shop. But that was not all. I told him that she was the founder of The Cambodian Kids Foundation – then the clincher – his wife is Cambodian and often discusses how she would like to help people in Cambodia. It was a profound experience. I am looking forward to catching up with them in Melbourne tomorrow.

I have had so many synergistic incidents lately which have been helping me to let go of any concerns that I might otherwise have allowed to consume me. The journey is never over but I’m so grateful to still be here until I’ve completed a few more tasks.

I have just finished reading Anna Funder’s masterpiece, “All that I am” and I am speechless. Anna put in five years of strenuous research which provides a rich background to her empathic approach to her characters. An inspiring piece of work, she deserves every accolade she has received. I particularly loved Dora who was so passionate and courageous.

I am more and more in awe of courageous women and I’m privileged to be entwined, to a degree, in aspects of the lives of some amazingly courageous women. I have mentioned the book I am presently writing in which I am endeavouring to capture the essence of Donna Cooper, founder of the Cambodian Kids Foundation. The more I get to know about her, the more I am inspired by, not only her courage, but her vision of what she can see is missing for the Cambodian people and what she can offer. She has offered so much of herself and as I plunge into her story I am beginning to understand what drives her and I am filled with a certain sense of déjà vu. We haven’t decided on a title yet. I am leaning towards “Colour me Donna” as one of her clothing outlets is called “Colour me Cooper” – whatever, I want the by line to be, “Empowering Cambodia, one village at a time.” I love that empowerment is her motivation. So often we want to just fix things, but empowerment is far more sustainable.

I have supported the vision of another inspiring young woman, Josephine Cashman, who also wants to empower her people. I have stood on the sidelines for a number of years watching her vision as a pioneer of Indigenous Impact Funding. There were moments when it seemed everything was conspiring against her and all I could say to her was that this was her vision and she would eventually succeed. I strongly believe that when we have a vision, purpose, goal – whatever you want to call it, and you do all that you can, there comes a time that you just need to allow things to unfold, never letting go of the end result. I was so thrilled to receive a call from her a few nights ago and at last her ambitious building project for Indigenous communities, has taken off and she has been able to acquire the right people who believe in her vision and at last it is happening. She has displayed enormous courage and vision to make things happen and is now working with another remarkable Indigenous woman, Marcia Langford. Marcia asked for a few coaching sessions and I wondered what I could offer her as she has been my hero for years. I possibly learned more from her than she did from me but we certainly have a mutual love and respect.

There are a number of others I could name and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. I share with most of them a very poignant attribute, we are all survivors – well more than survivors – of violent childhoods. We all feel that these experiences have helped us be better operators. Donna said recently that if a fairy came along and offered to wipe away her past, she would refuse, because she recognises that her past, as terrible as it was, has been her motivation to help the world be a better place.

Terrible things happen to people and some survive and are able to reach out and catch those who fall, whilst others stay in their role as victims not knowing how different their life could be. It has been a life time goal for me to move past all that I am, and become all that I want to be. Still a long way to go!

A younger Lyn with the prince and entourage.

Early in the turn of the century, I was invited to go to Cambodia by a former colleague who had been impressed by the work I was doing with Indigenous children in Queensland. At this time, he was working as an adviser to a member of the royal family and as I understood it, my job was to do some kind of feasibility study to see if the program could be useful for the children in Cambodia. I’ve always been up for a challenge so without too much hesitation, I agreed to go.

     It is difficult for me to describe the feelings I experienced almost from the moment of my arrival. Driving from the airport I could already sense the dichotomies of this place. Shadows of French occupation remained in the crumbling buildings which even now portrayed the elegance and opulence that they must have worn with pride at a time long past. Now many had become squat habitations for displaced families.

    That afternoon I was picked up by a stranger on a motor bike. My ‘chauffeur’ beckoned me to sit on the back and as we crossed the crazy traffic, I smiled to myself, remembering that my father had called me the previous night and begged me not to go to this dangerous country. Yet here I was at dusk, sitting behind a stranger who was navigating through a throbbing stream of traffic which seemed to move to a beat all of its own, and that certainly did not include obeying traffic rules. I was taken to the residence of Prince Sirivudh and soon came face to face with the charming prince. He and his partner were delightful hosts and were keen to hear about what I had been doing in Australia.

     A few days later I was taken by the prince, and his guards, to see a school he had built. The prince was eager to receive feedback on this achievement. What I found was a pretty, one roomed building with a thatched roof. My heart sank as I saw the lack of any learning materials beside a chalkboard which was the only teaching aid available to the teacher. The school room was packed to the brim with thirty-five eager faces. The air of enthusiasm would have been welcome to any educator. It was obvious that these young students wanted to be here. There was an air of expectation, but what could a white, English speaking ex-educator offer these smiling young students. The notion of happiness is universal so ‘If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands,’ seemed a good place to start and before long they joined in the clapping, stamping, dancing, twirling and other movements, with much gusto and the prince and his entourage also joined in.

     As we returned to Phnom Penh, I attempted to voice my concerns and as a result, an appointment was made for me to meet the minister for education. Unfortunately, he was out of town, but the assistant minister was happy to see me. I told him how I had felt about seeing the eager little faces who were expected to learn without any reading material. I expressed my feeling that these children were the hope of Cambodia’s future and that is where the emphasis should be. So much knowledge and expertise had been wiped out by the Pol Pot regime and it was vital that these children were given the education needed to get this country on its feet again. I think he found me to be rather opinionated but asked me what I thought was needed. I explained the need for graded readers in their language and preferably in their culture as there was still a French influence that appeared to pervade the attempts at education. He asked me if I would be willing to stay and write material and that is when it hit me that there really was nothing I could do. A feeling of complete helplessness threatened to overtake my usual optimistic outlook. I left Cambodia feeling I had achieved nothing and was only a little appeased when somebody sent me a Cambodian paper which included an advertisement appealing for assistance to write graded reading material for schools.

     I have often reflected on my inability to help. I treasure a letter I received from the prince thanking me for my visit, but in my heart of hearts I felt I had failed. So many years later I have found an opportunity to perhaps make a difference for some children in Cambodia. This weekend I begin interviewing a wonderful young woman, Donna Cooper, who has an amazing story. She is managing to make a real difference and I feel privileged that she has asked me to write her story. Hopefully it will assist her to gain more sponsors so she can continue to provide education for disadvantaged children in Cambodia. I am so excited. More will be posted in the weeks to come.

I am not sure when it finally hit me. I have had to concede that I am actually in the age bracket that is considered old – not just ‘old’ but ‘very old’ – maybe even ancient! I don’t feel old and am fortunate to be quite healthy. I even have people tell me that I look good- then spoil it all by adding, “For your age!”

Last week I spent five days going over an edit of my book. A company has approached me, encouraging me to republish it. I was horrified at first, feeling that the book was written five years ago and I am no longer ‘Sizzling at Seventy’. Strangely I began to receive a spate of sales and encouraging emails from strangers who had read my book and found it uplifting. This is what has me motivated me to proceed with the rewrite.

As I poured over my manuscript, I was grateful to make changes, also add a postscript about the loss of my beloved husband who had inspired me to write the book in the first place. So much has happened in the following almost five years, that I felt that I had moved on. I am grateful for the wise counsel from my friends who reminded me that I had written about the strategies that had assisted me to work through some issues of the past, and that it still can be a bridge for those who may be seeking answers. There have been some who have found it uplifting and say that it has provided them with a measure of hope. What a thrill that is and I’m inspired to do more. I feel that I will write until the day I leave this mortal coil.

As I read through the edited manuscript, I became aware of the vast life span I have covered. It only seems like yesterday that some of these things occurred, yet they happened so many years ago and I am reminded that in comparison, I have very few years left. I’m not sure if this is the reason I feel compelled to limit my activities to those that I feel fit my purpose – my reason for being here. I began to realise that I had wasted so many hours trying to fit into spaces that weren’t always comfortable for me. Now it is important for me to spend the rest of my days using all that I have learnt, over my considerable years, doing all that I can to support women of all ages. My Mick used to say to me that he felt that it was my purpose to work with women and, as I was still working in the corporate space, I didn’t believe him. Since then much has happened to ensure that I at last ‘get it’. I feel honoured to be working with women of all ages and races. I feel privileged to be there and watch how, with a little encouragement, these fabulous women gain enough confidence in themselves to blossom at a much earlier age than did I. I can see that all that has happened in my life has provided rich fodder that has helped me to have a more empathic approach to clients. I understand so much more about perceptions and how we can see things so differently. I have become more tolerant, although I am still often triggered by the pain we humans can inflict on each other. I have gained more resilience- and best of all, I have learnt to laugh out loud.

I am looking forward to the speaking engagements on the horizon. I love having these opportunities. Yes, I know I am no longer Sizzling at Seventy – but I know, five years later, there’s a hell of a lot of sizzle left, and I can really see how I can thrive at seventy-five.

     I really cannot dismiss the notion that everything happens for a reason. Actually, I probably prefer to believe that when the student is ready the master appears. It has always been the case in my life and continues to be so. I also believe in following your intuition and this year I will listen intently to what my gut is telling me.

     Last year I made some spectacularly bad decisions whilst my gut was screaming that I was on the wrong track, but to balance out, I did follow my gut with some equally spectacularly good results. There was an immense amount of learning that I am happy about and I am looking forward to some spectacularly good things happening this year.

     Recently I made a major overhaul of my library. It had become overblown and non-functional. It was an extremely eclectic collection which included a vast number of ‘music’ books collected by Mick over many years. I could never discard them as each had its own place in time. There were many books pertaining to business and I groaned when I saw how outdated some of the concepts had become. These were easy to discard. A number of dog eared classics will forever remain but many novels were discarded. Self-help books were sorted carefully, bringing back memories of desperate times.

     I put aside rather faded copies of books that I had inherited but never read. One of these was Jeanette Winterson’s “Oranges are not the only fruit”. I had heard much about her work but for some reason I had never read it. It is a semi-autobiographical account of her early life and I absolutely loved it. Here was someone who spoke my language. Her story is quite horrific yet she manages to inject a glorious irreverence that is at times laugh out loud funny. What a gift she has.

       I wasn’t adopted as she had been, but in other ways there were some parallels. Since finishing the book I have watched a You Tube clip and researched many of her articles. I know I have often written about victory and I have a sense that Jeanette has achieved this through her writing. I could identify so much with what she has to say. I particularly liked this comment:

“I found what [the poet Robert] Graves calls the shining space between dark and dark. It was something I visualised, that shining space. It seemed that I could just walk in that shining space and be there. And I did and then the darkness began to clear. The wound is always there and hurts but it’s not festering.” You can live with it? “I can and I have to.”

     Writing does that for me also. What has inspired me most about her work is that she gave herself permission to be incredibly open. I have been told that my openness is my sword and my saviour, but I must be true to my core being. I have also been advised that there are some things I should not write about, yet one friend has reminded me of my age and has given me permission to write whatever I like. Thanks Judy! Following my injection of Winterson, I went back over my current project and rewrote some passages in an attempt to inject some irreverent humour. Pathos is important but so much more powerful if I can give the reader some laugh out loud moments.

     Yep! I love that I can fill the empty spaces with shining creativity.

     With so many well-known ‘greats’ leaving this mortal coil, it gives us pause to consider our own mortality. I was probably a bit glib in my reply to a caller who was concerned about the health of a mutual friend. She reminded me that his condition was terminal and my retort was that at our age we are all terminal and the way our friend was living his life was admirable as he is genuine in his determination to make the most of each moment.

     After all that’s all that any of us can do and we have no idea about what is happening in the lives of others. I was taken by a quote in Face Book this morning, ““Do not judge my life by the chapter you walked in on.”  We have walked into the chapters of some well-known people and have presumed to know all about them, so this morning, having an unusual amount of spare time, I decided to do some research. I watched some revealing interviews, including a painful Oprah interview with Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds who have both so recently left us. I had adored Debbie in my teenage years and wished I could live her life. Now I realise how lucky I was that I didn’t. In fact, I wouldn’t trade with any of the ‘greats’ that we hear so much about.

     I learnt a while ago that there is a difference between surviving and being victorious. Most of us at our age have survived many things and there are others who have achieved victory over the blows that life has dealt them. I saw Carrie and her mother as survivors but the pain that emanated from them in this interview gave me the impression that they had not achieved victory over what they had been presented with. For them the pain is over and they have left a valuable ongoing legacy.

     A few weeks ago, I felt privileged to meet Yai, one of the ‘Lost boys of Sudan’ following the viewing of an emotive film, “The Good Lie” which is based on their story. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the theatre and we all went away with a better understanding of some of the atrocities that these boys have endured. It was hard to conceive that any of them survived, yet there was Yai, so serene, as he spoke of his plans for the future. As I looked into his eyes, I saw some pain, but he has achieved much personal victory. His pain is now about how humanity can be so inhumane even in our land where we have been so fortunate. The judgments that are made by viewing his people in the chapter in their life where they are attempting to adjust to one so alien to them. We may appear to be benevolent but we are still a racist country and it appears that many people, who would rather be in their own environment, have needed to flee to safety, only to be plunged into an unsafe environment without adequate understanding or support. It makes me feel so sad and yet I am encouraged by the fact that there are many others who feel as I do. Yai’s book, “Under a Sudanese Star” is well worth a read and the proceeds go towards his “Journey of Hope”.

My passion is to look past the chapters in the lives of others and to assist them to step into a future where they can honour themselves and others.

“I’m going to take you across the river – are you willing to come with me?” This was the message given to a room full of 420 people at Twin Waters resort on the Sunshine Coast. It was the beginning of Dr Joe Dispenza’s Advanced Course. We had been in Sydney for his three-day introductory course called The Progressive and thought we had an inkling of what we were about to encounter, but we absolutely had no idea at all.

The first course at the Novotel in beautiful Manly had been packed to the brim with over 500 people in attendance. Joe’s enthusiasm, sense of fun, scientific knowledge and dedication, moved us and I experienced much deeper meditations within the three days than I had ever had before. He gave us rudimentary explanations about the power of our mind which he explained is the brain in action. The emphasis of both courses was pulling the body out of the mind and taking the past out of our future. He called it “Ascending your energy: Tuning into a new destiny”. It all resonated with what I have always believed but this time I felt more anchored.

The base line is that our reality is created by our beliefs and perceptions which directly go to our thoughts and feelings – so to change our perceptions, beliefs and attitudes means to change our thoughts and feelings. Both courses had us reaching into our beliefs and with his help, we were able to extract the beliefs that were not serving us and prepare ourselves for a new state of being. It was incredibly inspiring. Continue reading →

The older I get the more I marvel at the synchronicities that occur in our lives. I now accept that there is very little in our lives that happens by chance. It seems to me that when I have chosen not to learn from a particular experience, it presents itself again in a different form.

I have mentioned before that I was abused by my mother and spent a great deal of my life avoiding situations that involved me interacting with particularly strident women. When I was forced to be in situations I could not avoid, I did not deal with them well and for many years I was continually placed in environments where I allowed myself to be bullied. When at last I did wake up to what was happening, I became determined to gain strategies for dealing with these occurrences. This was a defining moment in my life and I now revel in the knowledge that I am no longer affected by people who prey on the vulnerability of others because I am clear about who I am and also have a better understanding of what may be their drivers. This has allowed me to feel compassion for what lies behind this behaviour. My mother has been gone for many years but I now understand what caused her to be as she was and I am now grateful to her for bringing me into this world.

Recently I began working with a very special Indigenous woman whom I have admired from afar for years. Her vision for her people has always inspired me as I have watched her articulate interviews on television and in the press. I never dreamed that one day I would find myself in a coaching situation with her and it has been an amazing experience to find just how much we have in common. Recently she pointed out to me that four of us, who will possibly work together on some projects, have experienced being the one person in our families who suffered severe abuse from our mothers. Is it by chance that at this time we have been drawn together for some greater purpose as we also see ourselves not just as survivors but victors? We all recognise that our experiences allow us to be useful in assisting others. I really appreciate all of my life experiences and understand where they have helped me become stronger.

A few weeks ago I decided I needed to give my feet some much needed assistance and reluctantly decided to visit Athlete’s Foot. The minute I walked in I was approached by a beautiful young woman who took me under her wing and proceeded to provide me with excellent assistance on procuring the best shoes for walking. I mentioned that my poor feet were groaning under their 75 years of use. From that pronouncement followed a conversation and somehow it came out that I had written a book. These days I allow my intuition to guide me in conversations and for some reason my story fell out which gave her permission to tell her story. She was abused by a mentally ill mother until she was twelve and was then removed into foster care. There was a great deal of pain in her eyes as she related what had happened and then she looked up with shining eyes and thanked me for sharing with her as it was people like me that gave her courage and hope. She said that morning she had felt quite vulnerable but our conversation had changed her day and she vowed to be not just a survivor and is studying in order to help others. We embraced and I left the store with my new shoes, (pictured) feeling so buoyed by the experience.

Was it just chance that I had chosen to visit this store on that day?

As I approach my ¾ of a century, I am so full of joy and rejuvenation. I could never have dreamed that I would arrive at this age with so many things still happening. I feel very blessed and now can say it is really the happiest and most fulfilling time of my life.

In May I visited America for a speaking assignment and then went on to do a training course with Dr Brian Weiss on regression therapy, in Rhinebeck, New York. This was a magic time – I never thought I would be standing next to this wonderful man – (see picture). This has been a useful adjunct to my work and I have already been able to assist some clients to recognise what was blocking their progress. It is powerful stuff and I feel privileged to be able to use Brian’s approach.

In September I am participating in Dr Joe Dispenza’s advanced course. He wrote the powerful book, Breaking the habit of being yourself. I am really excited about doing this work and know it will also bring a new dimension to my work. Joe first became well known when he was one of the scientists featured in the movie, What the BLEEP do we know!? Now his work has grown and spiralled in so many ways as he discovers and explores the areas of quantum physics and neuroscience. I really love his work and as someone who came late to changing the habit of being myself, I will love having the opportunity to learn more and gain more tools that will enhance my work. This all began when I took Dr Jean Housten’s course on “Unlocking your quantum powers”. Dr Joe says we all have genius in us and as someone who spent many years thinking I had nothing to offer, I am thirsty to explore every avenue I can. This is paying off as I continue to work in the corporate field. It is very special to be of value as a woman in business for a start but to be valued as an older woman with many years of experience- now that is something worth celebrating.

I am so grateful for the people who have assisted me to get where I am and for those who continued to believe in me when I began to doubt myself.

With all the best will in the world I now sympathise with those of us who do not write as many blogs as we promise ourselves we will do. There always seems to be so many things to do and while I endeavour to keep up my commitment to writing frequent blogs for the Start at Sixty magazine, I seem to neglect my own site.

Still I recognise that this is not something to moan about. I love the fact that life is so busy. I am grateful that it became necessary three years ago for me to work a little harder as bills came flying through the door and no one else was going to pay them. This has meant that I have had to become more resourceful and more confident about how the many years of honing my skills would carry me through. I have had to close my ears to those who bemoan the fact that not only am I a woman, my birth certificate tells me that I am considered well past the years of useful employment. Well I choose not to listen and am enjoying some of the best years of my life.

I implore my clients to never give up on a dream, even when it looks as if the outcome can never happen. As an enthusiastic teacher I tried to provide an environment of innovation and creativity. I am grateful that Oxford University Press encouraged me by publishing a series I wrote which they called Thinking Sideways plus a series of quite creative spelling books. They sold moderately well but I didn’t make a big splash on the educational scene. However in 2001, a creative school principal purchased some of my books and immediately contacted me. Out of that contact all of these years later I have been given the freedom to co-develop the online program – Level One of Karaoke Fun Class. We are almost there. It is something I dreamed about probably fifteen years ago but had no idea about technology or how we could incorporate it into a program. It is almost ready to go to the market and I am aware that, even though I believe in it so strongly, there are no guarantees.

So whilst this project is satisfying my thirst for creativity, I realised that my years in education taught me many things and have been a springboard for later years. Firstly in developing a Registered Training Organisation and then onto my great love – coaching or maybe even better – mentoring. I feel so privileged to be able to still use the skills I have developed to bring value both in the corporate world and with individuals. I dreamed of doing this when I was still in education but had no idea that I could still be doing this so many years later. Continue reading →

It doesn’t matter what age we are, there is always so much learning available to us. I remember when I was young I thought I knew everything and now I realise more and more just how much I don’t know. My experience in the past nine months has been a huge awakening for me and I feel myself heading in a new direction.

In May last year I was given the responsibility for the care of my ex husband’s wife. I needed to rescue her from a dangerous situation. She reached out to me and I reluctantly took up the challenge. It has been a much bigger responsibility than I had previously thought and it is only now that I am realising how much I have learnt from being thrown into a situation I hadn’t expected. I wondered how I could possibly manage any more than I was doing and thought I would just find a suitable place for her.

Of course it didn’t work out like that and I found myself becoming more and more immersed in the world of aged care. I felt the responsibility of being the only person who could help her. Putting myself in her place I could really feel how terrible it would be to be alone at this vulnerable time of your life. I made a contract with myself to do the best I could for her for the rest of her life – for however long that might be.

There were times when I regretted my contract, especially when she went through a period of delirium, exacerbating her vascular dementia which had been hovering for some time. For a period of time she became angry and very difficult to be around. One day, in the midst of this period, I called in to see her and she looked at me and asked why I was doing this as she had never done anything for me. I looked back at this woman whose values were so different from mine and who, over the years I hadn’t even particularly liked, and at that moment it was as if I could see right into her soul. I was able to sincerely answer that it was because I loved her. This was the moment that I really understood that you don’t really have to like someone to be able to love them and from that moment on I felt my love for her grow stronger.

Continue reading →

Joseph Campbell tells us that, “Saying yes is a willingness to show up.” He talks about a ‘sacred yes’ which is about the big plan for our lives. What really resonates with me is that ‘it isn’t about ambition; it’s about purpose. It’s not about profit; it’s about passion. It’s not about self-gain; it’s about service.’ (Louise Hay & Robert Holden).

With all my many faults, the one thing I have never lacked is enthusiasm. Most of my life I have wanted to grab hold of every facet of life and shake the bones out of it, which hasn’t always worked in my favour. This has lead me to overuse my store of the word ‘YES’. “Could you attend this meeting?” Yes! “Could you fix this for me?” Yes! “Could you come and see me this Friday?” Yes! I even said yes to a couple of different marriage proposals which did not serve me. I fitted really well into Ado Annie’s song, “I’m just a girl who can’t say no!” Oh, not for the same reason – actually being brought up in a strict religious faith, I did say no a lot before I donned my first long, white dress.

I have been so busy saying YES for a great deal of my life, and have often run myself ragged. As I have matured – love that word – sounds like a good red wine – I have had to be more focused about when to say ‘YES’.

One of my grandsons once told me that I was “invincible”. I think at the time I believed him and whilst I had boundless energy I pursued the path of saying yes to many things. And the many times I said ‘yes’ only rarely gained me the outcome I desired.

It took me a long time to wake up that I was not always following my passion. So many times I dragged myself off to functions which had nothing to do with my passion. I always hoped that I would gain something but often came away with a feeling of emptiness.

These days, even though I have been blessed with more than my share of energy, I feel a need to be more selective and I have found that challenging as I receive so many invitations over the internet – all of which look enticing, often innovative, and organised by people I really admire, but they are not going to help me with my purpose or passion. Continue reading →

I was so moved by the number of people who remembered that it was three years since the passing of my beloved Mick. They honoured the person that he was and the legacy that he has left behind.

Upon opening my Facebook page on the 26^th October, I found 57 images taken by a special fan. His accompanying post said, “This is a Facebook flashback but also a real life flashback as today marks the 3rd anniversary of Mick Hadley’s tragic death and this was his last gig just the month before…Mick was my first musical hero and introduced me to genuine blues and soul in the 1960’s and from then on my music had to have plenty of ‘feelin’ to cut it. It doesn’t make it any easier that Mick is the most loved and respected person I have ever known.”

Memories flooded back to me, but instead of the grief I had felt at having to assist him to dress for his last gig and watch him sing his last song, I was able to remember how it felt when he called me up on stage and held me in his arms, performing “Chicago” for the very last time.

How beautifully Geoff has captured that moment in the photo accompanying this blog. What a privilege to have witnessed the triumphant last chorus of a man who, in his last moments, was able to give all he had left to doing what he loved best. In a dedication to him I posted his favourite James Thurber quote,” He kept on going like a bullet-torn flag, and nobody captured his colours and nobody silenced his drums.” We had the quote taped to our fridge long before he was struck down with the disease which took him from us. As I watched him up there on stage, knowing the effort it had taken him to get there, the quote kept thrumming in my head.

In my last blog I wrote of the amazing success of the American rowing team in the 1936 Olympic games and spoke of the wise reflections of George Pocock, the man who crafted the shell ‘Husky Clipper’ rowed by the winning team. Many of his quotes so accurately portrayed the essence of what makes people great and as I reflected on the courage of my husband, this quote seemed to be particularly poignant,” ….when your everyday strength is gone (you) can draw on a mysterious reservoir of power far greater. Then it is you can reach for the stars. That is the way champions are made.”

To be remembered for being willing to go the extra mile; for showing true grit and courage; for being able to stand up again after being knocked down and achieve heights that seemed impossible – that is a legacy worth striving for. I may not be remembered by so many as Mick three years after my passing, but I hope that those who do remember will look past the times that I fell and rejoice in the triumphs as I got up again and reached for the stars.

With all the wisdom of his years and vast experience, Shane Warne recently admonished Australia for being too politically correct. He feels that Aussies have lost the true spirit of being fair dinkum and honest about their feelings in case there is some backlash.

Maybe there is some truth in what he says. I have experienced in some areas the need to tick boxes and a return to rigidity. I am feeling quite sad about a large company with which I am familiar. I once perceived it as having one of the best cultures I had experienced. Everybody enjoyed going to work and because of the positive culture, they worked well and successfully as a team on projects that were often challenging. Support and encouragement were the mainstays of the company with incentives that made it all worthwhile. Individual differences were acknowledged and embraced, resulting in a culture where people felt safe and whilst productive work was never compromised, humour was encouraged. It was a delightful place to work. So what has changed? A new regime has invaded the company as some of the outstanding leaders have retired or moved on. It has happened so quickly that those who have remained in the company are left scratching their heads and many are now looking to exit a company they thought they would be part of for many years. Policies and strategies are the buzz words and relationship building with clients no longer seems to be the focus.

In my work with Human Synergistics, it has been acknowledged that an injection of aggressive behaviour can result in swift and powerful results. Yes, productivity can go up and on paper this looks really good, but it is short lived and in my experience, trust is destroyed. It is such a vital element for any team to develop trust.

An inspiring CEO mentioned an amazing book to me called “The Boys in the Boat”, by Daniel James Brown. It is the extraordinary tale of the University of Washington’s 1936 eight-oar varsity crew beating the odds and their demons to win the gold medal in the Berlin Olympics. Not only is it a riveting story, it is a great metaphor for all teams whether business or sporting. When trust is lost, the team flounders and it is trust that is the key to effective, sustained performance. Continue reading →

Having just returned from a magical six week trip around Europe, I am feeling a little bit in overwhelm. Spending so many hours driving to new destinations, through exciting and beautiful places, I had so much time to feel grateful and also think of how I am going to spend my remaining years. The book proposal I was so sure I had figured out, has completely changed and I now need to start from scratch. It is amazing how deep reflection can change everything.

I have returned home to a backlog of ‘stuff’ to attend to before I can spend the hours I need to write. I am looking forward to exploring what this book is now going to look like. I have managed to send several travel blogs to the Starts at Sixty magazine and have been thrilled to receive two awards from Dymocks, so that has been encouraging.

It has been a shock to find that the elderly person, for whom I am now responsible, has deteriorated in the time I have been away. My daughter took my place while I was away and she seemed to be okay, but since my return she has suffered a heart attack and gone into full blown delirium which is causing some bizarre behaviour. As her Power of Attorney, I have the responsibility to decide the next step for her care. This responsibility weighs heavily on my shoulders and I feel so sad that there is nobody else. It makes me even more grateful that I have a support network around me and I really don’t think that they’ll shove me in a home and forget about me which is the fate of so many of the people that surround my ‘charge’.

There have been moments of lucidity when she has so many regrets for what she now feels was a wasted life. On the back of my business card I have boldly printed that, “It is never too late to find your fabulous”. Sadly I am seeing that there are those who waste the opportunity to find their ‘fabulous’ and fulfil their purpose. My mother lived a troubled existence and passed away in her early fifties while I have been given this extra time to do so much more than she did. I have already had the most amazing life and believe that there is so much more and I am getting clear messages as to what my next steps must be. How exciting is that!

Yesterday I began a grief counselling course. Whilst driving through Italy, enjoying the scenery and my quiet reveries, when it suddenly came to me that I must do a grief counselling course. I have studied a great deal and have never felt prompted to do this. Two days later I received a newsletter from Hopewell Education Services advertising the first grief counselling course for the year. I signed up straight away and know that it is going to be an important component of my work.

Bustling in Milan

So grateful to be still undertaking corporate work which certainly keeps the grey matter ticking over. I love it and find it stimulating to draw on many years of experience to assist others to find solutions. It is gratifying to feel valued when so many complain of becoming invisible. It is always an ongoing journey.

A big thank you for those who took time to like my last post. It is not easy for me to expose myself. There are parts of me that wish I didn’t have to put myself out there. There was a time in my life when I did not know what ‘joy’ felt like. Of course I experienced happy moments but when I was asked to recapture a feeling of joy, I just couldn’t do it.  Nowadays my life is so joyful and I would be quite happy to fill my days with the simple things of life … but I know that there is more to this last part of my journey than that. Never before have I experienced the strong daily promptings that remind me of the vast life experiences which have left me with a strong sense of purpose. My writing and speaking are an integral part of that and to be still relevant in the corporate space is such an unexpected joy.

As part of the writing course that I have undertaken, I have been given the task of building a platform. Gone are the days in the nineties when all I had to do was send my manuscripts to the publisher and apart from several layers of editing, they would do the rest and I could just enjoy the thrill of seeing my books on shelves, oh and receive the occasional royalty cheques. How things have changed. Now it seems the publisher wants to know what kind of a platform you have; how many Social Media contacts you engage with and how you are putting yourself out there. This is the aspect of writing that daunts me.

During this week I had one of those days that was imbued with self doubt. Was I really in line with my purpose? My days have been crowded with a project which has been particularly challenging. As often is the case on such occasions, I sent my question out there and several things happened. One occurred as I was waiting for my hair to be cut. The woman next to me struck up a conversation that was particularly pertinent. She had been struggling with severe post traumatic stress disorder following a gang rape she had experienced several years before. The hairdresser told her about my book and she was really interested. To cut a long story short, she felt that we were meant to meet on that day and thanked me for the conversation which she found helpful. She also purchased my book. Continue reading →